


A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Port Charles

by MayQueen517



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Background Relationships, Booker hates them and has a rant all prepared, Everything is Fine AU, F/F, Gen, Immortal Husbands Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Immortal Wives Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, M/M, Nile Freeman-centric, Nile watches General Hospital because comfort, Team as Family, The rest of the team are terrors, Unbeta'd, but Nile loves them, tumblr prompt gone wild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:55:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26370760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayQueen517/pseuds/MayQueen517
Summary: The OG and General Hospital. They're old, it's old, that's the joke.---It’s in Portuguese and obviously an old rerun, but she remembers learning Spanish through telenovelas and decides that this is similar. It’s also soothing, in a way, to watch a familiar story and it doesn’t get much more familiar than Luke and Laura in Port Charles from an episode older than her.
Relationships: Andromache of Scythia & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani & Nicky | Nicolo di Genova & Nile Freeman, Booker | Sebastien le Livre & Nile Freeman, Nile Freeman & Quynh | Noriko
Comments: 17
Kudos: 66





	A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Port Charles

**Author's Note:**

> So, my dear friend, trcunning on Tumblr, prompted me with: _The OG and General Hospital. They're old, it's old, that's the joke._ And I really did have great intentions of writing about all the ways that General Hospital has been a staple for the team. And, like every single other thing I write, it morphed.
> 
> That being said, I'm really happy with it! The title, of course, references the main town from General Hospital, because I'm hilarious.

It starts, like most things, with a mission. They’re in Portugal, Nile practicing her Portuguese on the ride there as Nicky encourages her and Joe grins at her. It’s easy enough to pick up after the crash course of languages that she’s been subjected to.

They make their way in, settle in for the day to rest before the mission tomorrow. It’s then that Nile miscalculates. Well, miscalculates is maybe the wrong thing to say. There’s a TV in this safe house, one that gets decent reception and when she stumbles across the soap opera, it’s just like being at her Aunt’s house on sick days.

It’s in Portuguese and obviously an old rerun, but she remembers learning Spanish through telenovelas and decides that this is similar. It’s also soothing, in a way, to watch a familiar story and it doesn’t get much more familiar than Luke and Laura in Port Charles from an episode older than her.

“Are you watching General Hospital?” Andy asks, incredulous. Nile looks up, shifting over so Andy can settle in.

“Uh, yeah? Used to watch it when I was home sick from school.”

“Better not let Booker see it,” Andy says, snickering. Nile rolls her eyes as Joe and Nicky wander in, each making excited noises as they all squish on the couch.

“Okay, one - why can Booker not see this? - And two: guys, there’s another couch right over there,” Nile says, not really griping. Joe pouts at her as Nicky props his chin on Nile’s shoulder, pouting as well.

“You would put us away from our family, Nile?” Nicky says as Joe starts snickering. Andy’s shoulders are shaking as Nile groans, trying to shove at Nicky. Nicky’s like a fucking octopus though, slumping on her more and more.

“We just spent four hours in a backseat practicing Portuguese,” Nile says, punctuating her words with shoves as Joe joins in. He drapes himself over both Nicky and Nile, piling on top of them both as Nile gives in, trying not to laugh. She slumps against the arm of the couch, letting both Nicky and Joe pillow themselves on each other and her as Andy shakes her head.

“Give an inch,” she warns as Nile mouths the rest along with her, having heard it a million times, “and they take a mile.”

“Thank you for that, Grandma,” Nile says sarcastically as Andy swats her while laughing. Nicky laughs into Nile’s bicep, his current pillow as Joe squirms closer. He extricates one of the decorative pillows and uses it to pillow his head between Nile’s hip and Nicky’s stomach, settling in.

This sort of affection and cuddling has taken time to get used to. The way that Joe and Nicky show affection and care has been easier to handle once Nile started treating them like her cousins. She loves them, which does help, but they’re sometimes annoying. Andy kicks her shoes off as the other three groan.

“If those land-mines you call boots are off, then you’re on the other couch,” Nicky says, peering over at Andy.

“Yeah, boss,” Joe chimes in, “our comfort matters too!”

Nile loves her team. She loves them the way she loves her family. But Andy’s feet could be classified as actual weapons. And, like, dirty bombs or something. If Andy’s feet were a matter of national security, Nile is pretty sure she would leave them to fend for themselves. Andy settles back against the other armrest, ignoring them. Her feet, after living in those boots for hours upon hours are not the best thing Nile’s ever smelled, but at least they’re not the worst (the less said about that job in Brussels, the better). Joe squawks when Andy digs her toes into his midsection, grinning as they start to slap fight each other.

It really is like her little cousins at Christmas. Nicky yawns against her, snickering quietly as Nile sighs, turning the volume up.

“Wait, you never answered me, why can’t Booker see this?” Nile says finally, remembering her original question. Nile tugs at her shirt before Joe reaches over, flattening the fabric for her. She murmurs a thanks when he clumsily pets her hip. She hears the door open and is aware that Joe, Nicky, and Andy have gone silent.

“Why can’t Booker see what?” Quynh asks, strolling in as she peers at the TV. She observes it like a naturalist in a rare animal’s habitat and Nile spares a thought for Quynh who still can’t get used to the connections of everything. Twenty years in and Nile knows that Quynh is happiest in the mountains or the forest, far away from the grid that Nile grew up with.

“Is that,” Booker asks, steadily, “General Hospital?” He drops the bags he’s holding, gently, as he looks at them all on the couch. Nile is aware, suddenly, that she feels like she’s in the principal’s office. Quynh would be the secretary, if only because she’s looking at them all (the theater kids, Nile decides) as if they’re the ones causing trouble. She looks amused as she drops a kiss to Andy’s forehead.

“Uh, yes?” Nile says as Booker takes a deep breath in, pinching his nose.

“Oh no,” Nicky says, drowsy but grinning, “You’ve done it now, Nile.”

“Look at what you did,” Joe admonishes in a whisper, faking his stern tone as Andy starts shaking with laughter.

“You should be ashamed,” Andy chimes in as Booker starts ranting in French. It’s an impressive rant, full of gesticulations and dramatic statements. Nile watches with passive interest as the episode concludes. Booker stops, realizing that they’re all watching him curiously. He flops down on the floor, just in front of the couch and takes a deep breath.

“So, you like soap operas, huh?” Booker asks as Nile bursts out laughing. Booker grins, almost shyly as the others seem to sigh in relief. Nile snorts and squeezes his shoulder.

“Shut up, I’m practicing my Portuguese,” Nile says, enjoying the feeling of her new family around her. 

=-=

The mission goes to hell. 

The mission, to be fair, was always going to go to hell.

It starts with Nile tripping the alarm and Booker taking a brief moment to disable it. When it doesn’t work, he shoots it. It’s a brute force method but when something works, it’s best to go along with it.

Andy drops Quynh as they vault over the wall and the less said about Joe and Nicky dropping the recovered drive not once, but twice, the better. 

It is, if you ask Nile, a clusterfuck.

“Listen, it is not my fault for dropping the drive! Hayati, my fingers were going numb after your stunt with the power!”

“Do not blame me for that, Yusuf. You knew I didn’t know what I was doing and you’re the one who had to keep touching it. How many times have I told-”

It devolves from there, bickering and aggravation boiling over. Nile drives them back to the safe house as Booker lets Andy and Quynh (bickering in Vietnamese, something Nile has yet to learn. Judging by Booker’s wince, maybe she should hold off) go through first, then Joe and Nicky. Joe and Nicky touch each other with care, even as they bicker. They switch languages as Booker neatly tugs the drive from their hands. 

He meets Nile’s eyes tiredly, taking a long swallow from his flask before offering it to her. She doesn’t normally do this but after this mission and the bickering still in the house, Nile allows herself one quick nip.

“And this, Nile, is why I don’t allow us to watch General Hospital on missions.”

“You are so full of shit,” Nile says, watching Booker struggle to keep a straight face. She’s gotten used to figuring out when he’s being a little shit - especially when Nicky joins in. 

“Usually, yes,” Booker admits, taking another sip off his flask, putting it away when she waves off his offer, “However, you have to admit that this mission was not great.”

“Well, it wasn’t Brussels,” Nile says optimistically as Booker snorts. They walk into the safe house, now silent. Nile listens for the telltale sign that the couples have made up, hearing Andy and Quynh laughing. She doesn’t hear Joe and Nicky but she knows she will.

“Nothing is as bad as Brussels,” Booker says as they hear a thump and a loud moan that could only be Nicky. They share a grin, Nile shaking her head. Laughter drifts down the hall as Andy and Quynh reappear. Andy’s eyes are bright and Quynh looks smug, a nice change from their earlier bickering.

“Rock, paper, scissors for first shower?” Nile asks Booker who scoffs. 

“It’s roshambo, but sure.”

“I’m not afraid to fight an old man, you know,” Nile says, quickly winning the round. Booker curses, squeezing her shoulder with a wink as she wanders down the hall for her shower. 

Sure, the mission went to hell, but with laughter in the safe house, Nile thinks everything else was (mostly) a success.

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:  
> Hayati: My Life
> 
> As you could tell, I am ALWAYS taking prompts over on Tumblr, at [CactusDragon517](https://cactusdragon517.tumblr.com/)! Come chat with me!


End file.
